Wow, you would've thought that at 20 years old, I'd have my ish fully together. I'm sure we all have that one friend who has everything planned out in advance like a good 10 years down the road, ''Well after I graduate from college, I'm going to take a gap year and island hop around Vietnam, come back and then I'll get myself a nice little admin job, find the love of my life and we'll have 3kids - one boy and two girls, and we'll name them Kevin, Julie and Dorris, get a family pet, most probably a labrador and name him pebbles, and go to Tenerife every year for family holidays... whats your plans?'.

What are my plans? Well, Suzan, I'm standing in aisle 10 in Asda debating whether I should get walkers cheese and onion flavoured crisps or ready salted ... and then I plan to go home and bury myself in a nest of pillows and cry about work on Monday. I mean, that's as good as its getting.

 I was never that girl in English class who always had all of her gel pens colour coded, or that kid who always had his planner signed by his parents on time ready for his form tutor to check it. I was never that child who grew up with dreams of being an actress or a fireman. Or the little girl who grew up imagining and planning her wedding day down to a tee. I, on the other hand, had no clue what I wanted. I suppose you could call me an indecisive dreamer (if that's even a thing), Monday I wanted to be a ballerina and halfway through Wednesday afternoon I've changed my mind and decided i wanted to be a computer scientist.

To tell you the truth, it used to feel like I was working 10X harder than everyone else just to scrape a basic grade. I've laid on my bed and stared up at the ceiling for hours on end wondering 'will I get a good job?' better yet ' will anyone even employ me?'. And to be honest, at the time it was terrifying to think about. The idea of graduating from college and 'stepping into the real world' loomed over me like a rain cloud ready to flood my whole entire teenage bubble, the life that I had built around myself for the last 17 years was about to change. I didn't have it all together. *Panic mode*

Well anyway, long story short, it all worked out I can tell you that. Thanks to my parents, I was able to come to a brilliant conclusion: it's alright.

Coat - Primark (similar one Here)

Shoes - New Look (Similar one Here)

Skirt - Missy Empire ( Here)

Glasses - Lamoda (Here)

Denim Shirt - Zara (Similar one Here)

Bag - Ralph Lauren


''Map out your future - but do it in pencil.''

Jon Bon Jovi


Because guess what? No-one has it all together. Anyone that you know, who looks like they have it all together. It's a lie. With plenty of sleep, strong coffee and a really good concealer - it's possible.

Certainty and security. Something that us humans crave. We feel safe when were in the driver's seat, because what can go wrong right? We want to know what will/ might happen so we don’t have to worry about anything! The irony is that we are never in control. Well, not fully anyway. There are swings and roundabouts, potholes and hiccups. So when things don't go as planned. Don't freak out. We're not always in places that we want to be, but it's about making the most of the space you're in.

Imagine life being one big long checklist. Just constantly ticking off this list as you grow up, never being open minded.  In doing so you'd miss out on all the adventure, all the improvisation, all the little things that put life in perspective, and all the brilliant little moments that you'll never forget.  I can't even sugar coat it. So many of my plans have failed and it hurt immensely. But I have learnt so many valuable lessons from the things that didn't pan out how expected. It's safe to say I've taken many detours.  Wheres the fun is sticking to one rigid plan?

Of course having some sort of plan and goals is very important. It helps you stay focused and motivated. But I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's okay if you don't have it 'all together' or 'all planned out', hey i know roughly where I want to be in 5 years, but let's say along the way I've got to shake up my plan a little, it might not be easy at the time, but I'm sure wherever I end up, it'll be more of a beautiful destination than the one I was heading to before.

It’s just how our life is. I roll with it.

c/o Missy Empire Photography - Zoey Griffin photography

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4 comments

Reply

Lovely outfit !

I did something similar on my blog – http://tlmurban.com/denim-rush

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Nice blog, I like your style! Come to see mine and get inspired …www.jaranais.com

Reply

Ahh I’m 20 in less than a month and I really do not have my shit together either! The pressure at this age is way too much! Love this post x

Reply

I agree with you. At 20 i didn’t have a plan for the future but all I wanted to be or do is just a better version of myself than the previous year. Great post https://meilifisayo.wordpress.com/2017/05/01/15-fun-facts-about-me/

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